the Lair's COMEDY section

wheres the jokes at then............ I am not amused :kick:

that was the joke that he is funny :P

GRRRRRRRR!!!!

I am going to do a factory restore on my PC.
I'll be gone for a day or 2.

Don't miss me too much.

HAHA ok we wont :lol!:

who we missing again :sleep:

I'm back beeyotchez

and you are???? did you post in the introduction tread??

:kick:

:bonk:

and finally.....



:fart:

There I was broken hearted
Came to sh** but only farted
Then one day I took a chance
Tried to fart and Sh** my pants.

I go to a public restroom
The smell was of pure doom
As I sit down on the thrown
And I sit there all alone
I read the writing on the walls
Until water splashes my *****

It's hard not to make a sound
When other people are around
I try to push out a quiet squeeze
But I forced out a loud breeze.
:fart:

When I was young I had ne sense
Went and pissed on an electric fence
Curled my hair and tickled my b**s
Made me s**t in my over-alls.

:lol!:

EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied.. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".

"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden...
"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone. "

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob?"

What do you call Dirge when he's walking across the field holding 2 sheep under his arms?








































.... A Playboy

EMOONING !!


We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

: ) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
Here goes:


(_!_) a regular ass


(__!__) a fat ass


(!) a tight ass


(_*_) an ass hole


{_!_} a swishy ass


(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass


(_X_) leave my ass alone


(_zzz_) a tired ass


(_E=mc2_) a smart ass


(_$_) Money coming out of his ass


(_?_) Dumb Ass

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to adownload from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit thedelete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:







'You got Male!

:lol!:

thats funny as hell

:lol!:

rofl

Husband of the Year awards
The honorable mention goes to:

The United Kingdom

Dirge, is that you in the tent?


followed closely by...
The United States of America


Ramjet?

and then...
Poland




but 3rd Place must go to...
Greece


Razorclaw? Is that you?

it was very very close but the runner up prize was awarded to....

Serbia


but the winner of the husband/partner of the ! year is.

Ireland.Ya gotta love the Irish.
The Irish are true romantics..look, he's even holding her hand...




Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr. in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnecologist

AND

When we have REAL trouble, it's a... HISterectomy.

no that isnt me in the tent ...

the last time i was in a tent was .....

in bed

A fellow finds a magic genie lamp and rubs the lamp.
A giant genie floats out of the lamp in a cloud of smoke
The man gets excited and jumps up and down

"YIPPEE I GET 3 WISHES NOW!! YIPPPEE!!" he says

The genie says "This is true. But one of my rules is that whatever you wish for, your wife gets double"
The man agrees and makes his first wish...

"I wish for a brand new car"

"OK, but your wife will get 2 brand new cars" says the genie.

"My second wish is for Ten MILLION dollars!!"

"OK, but your wife will get Twenty MILLION dollars" says the genie.

The lucky man looks around and sees 3 brand new cars and 3 brief cases holding Ten million dollars each.
He thinks really hard about what he wants his 3rd wish to be.
After thinking for a while he comes up with the perfect 3rd wish...

He says "I wish you would beat me HALF to death!!"